Lore Whore: Zenobia and world's longest pregnancy

Zenobia (pic to the left is a McFarlane Toys Conan Series Two) has a very strange relation with Age of Conan, it's timeline, NPC and even developers themselves.

Zenobia is no were to be seen in game and as far as I know only 3 NPCs mention her: Pallantides, Conan and Countess Albiona.

Albiona only mentions special jewelry that Conan gave Zenobia. Conan, when asked about it, will simply say that "Zenobia is not here, man" and gets defensive about it (what are you? Jealous?)

A real gold to be mined comes from Pallantides dialogue.

"Ah, now there's a wonder. She was a Seraglio girl who caught the king's eye after helping him escape the Iron Tower. She's beautiful beyond words, almost the match of the perfect Countess Albiona. She's heavy with child right now. As my blade guards the king, it guards the queen as well".

First of all it establishes two truths about Zenobia: she is already married to the Conan and she is pregnant. This is a great indicator about when exactly Age of Conan is taking place.

The last Conan story The Hour of The Dragon ends with Conan naming his ransom for Tarascus life:

"Very well."  The king smiled as at an exceedingly pleasant memory."She shall be your ransom, and naught else. I will come to Belverusfor her as I promised. She was a slave in Nemedia, but I will make herqueen of Aquilonia!"

- REH, The Hour of The Dragon

So between The Hour of The Dragon ending and Age of Conan king Conan went to Belverus (capital of Nemedia), took Zenobia back with him to Aquilonia, made her queen and pretty much... "gave her one".

The whole dialogue gets weirder: Pallantides says that Zenobia "was a Seraglio girl".

Seraglio is  a harem. But why is it spelled with a capital letter in the middle of a sentence? Its almost like the writer thought that Seraglio was a person. REH didn't capitalize the first letter of that word and I didn't find any other sources that would do so. 

"There is a girl in your seraglio named Zenobia."

- REH, The Hour of The Dragon

The biggest blunder is Pallantides saying that Zenobia "caught the king's eye after helping him escape the Iron Tower" and that she is "almost the match of the perfect Countess Albiona". That is a straight lore fail on Funcoms part (I am not aware of similar lore mistake in the whole game).

No one helped Conan escape the Iron Tower, in fact it was Conan who broke into Iron Tower to free Countess Albiona.

"In an instant Conan had drawn the massive bolt that barred the door--too heavy for one ordinary man to have manipulated--and called hastilyto Albiona, who ran staggering to him. Catching her up unceremoniouslywith one arm, he bore her through the door and into the outerdarkness.
They had come into a narrow alley, black as pitch, walled by the sideof the Tower on one hand, and the sheer stone back of a row ofbuildings on the other. Conan, hurrying through the darkness asswiftly as he dared, felt the latter wall for doors or windows, butfound none"

- REH, The Hour of The Dragon

But Zenobia indeed helped Conan to escape when he was a prisoner in a dungeon in a Belverus.

"Who are you?" demanded the king belligerently, struggling to asitting position in spite of his chains.
"Men call me Xaltotun," was the reply, in a strong, golden voice.
"What place is this?" the Cimmerian next demanded.
"A chamber in the palace of King Tarascus, in Belverus."

- REH, The Hour of The Dragon

"It is no mockery!" The girl was trembling violently. Her braceletsand breast-plates clinked against the bars she grasped. "I swear byMitra! I stole the keys from the black jailers. They are the keepersof the pits, and each bears a key which will open only one set oflocks. I made them drunk. The one whose head you broke was carriedaway to a leech, and I could not get his key. But the others I stole.Oh, please do not loiter! Beyond these dungeons lie the pits which arethe doors to Hell."
Somewhat impressed, Conan tried the keys dubiously, expecting to meetonly failure and a burst of mocking laughter. But he was galvanized todiscover that one, indeed, loosed him of his shackles, fitting notonly the lock that held them to the ring, but the locks on his limbsas well. A few seconds later he stood upright, exulting fiercely inhis comparative freedom. A quick stride carried him to the grille, andhis fingers closed about a bar and the slender wrist that was pressedagainst it, imprisoning the owner, who lifted her face bravely to hisfierce gaze.
"Who are you, girl?" he demanded. "Why do you do this?"
"I am only Zenobia," she murmured, with a catch of breathlessness, asif in fright; "only a girl of the king's seraglio."

- REH, The Hour of The Dragon

I have always wondered if Conan's and Pallantides dialogues were parts of some old plot for future content so I asked former Game Director Joel Bylos about it:

You can check whole conversation here. Of course Joel is super knowledgeable about REH and his writings so me catching him on getting something wrong would be as rare as Funcom writers getting the lore mixed up. Which, in case of Zenobia, seems like there is an ongoing curse.  So my dear Zenobia, you have been pregnant for a like 7 years now? Either have the baby or don't, make up your mind sweetie. 

Lore Whore: blood, guts and poetry

Without a shadow of a doubt all REH works have left a profound impression on me. I am sure of it that I found something that I will cherish for the years to come. However the thing that touched my very soul was a poem by Rober E. Howard titled: The Cimmeria

I remember

The dark woods, masking slopes of sombre hills;

The grey clouds' leaden everlasting arch;

The dusky streams that flowed without a sound,

And the lone winds that whispered down the passes.

Vista on vista marching, hills on hills,

Slope beyond slope, each dark with sullen trees,

Our gaunt land lay. So when a man climbed up

A rugged peak and gazed, his shaded eye

Saw but the endless vista - hill on hill,

Slope beyond slope, each hooded like its brothers.

It was a gloomy land that seemed to hold

All winds and clouds and dreams that shun the sun,

With bare boughs rattling in the lonesome winds,

And the dark woodlands brooding over all,

Not even lightened by the rare dim sun

Which made squat shadows out of men; they called it

Cimmeria, land of Darkness and deep Night.

It was so long ago and far away

I have forgot the very name men called me.

The axe and flint-tipped spear are like a dream,

And hunts and wars are shadows. I recall

Only the stillness of that sombre land;

The clouds that piled forever on the hills,

The dimness of the everlasting woods.

Cimmeria, land of Darkness and the Night.

Oh, soul of mine, born out of shadowed hills,

To clouds and winds and ghosts that shun the sun,

How many deaths shall serve to break at last

This heritage which wraps me in the grey

Apparel of ghosts? I search my heart and find

Cimmeria, land of Darkness and the Night.

--REH

Every time I am reading this poem I get different visions about Hyborian age, Cimmeria and the barbaric king himself. 

First of all it is pretty obvious that Conan himself is the narrator as he speaks in first person  (I remember, I have forgot). There is no direct reference to Conan himself, but the narrator recalls the Cimmeria so he clearly is NOT living there anymore. Since Cimmerians were not really the adventurous, traveling folks (unlike Conan) most likely there wouldn't be any other Cimmerian than Conan to tell us about this land.

Cimmeria is apparently not a word made up by REH, but a clever historical reference (this is evident in my REH's works as he was very fond of history). Cimmerius or Cimmeriī refer to Cimmerians "A fabulous people supposed to have dwelt in caves, between Baiae and Cumae" and "perpetual darkness prevailed among them". Cimmerians are also "any of a mythical people described by Homer as dwelling in a remote realm of mist and gloom". Lastly Cimmeria (and even Stygia!) were mentioned by British poet John Milton:

HENCE loathed Melancholy

    Of Cerberus and blackest midnight born,

In Stygian Cave forlorn

    'Mongst horrid shapes, and shreiks, and sights unholy.

Find out som uncouth cell,

    Where brooding darknes spreads his jealous wings,

And the night-Raven sings;

    There, under Ebon shades, and low-brow'd Rocks,

As ragged as thy Locks,

    In dark Cimmerian desert ever dwell.

- L'Allegro, John Milton (1608-1674) 

So REH's Cimmeria is also "a gloomy land" but with  mountainous landscape. 

With all the references to the grey clouds,  lone winds, winds and clouds and everlasting woods is suggests that Cimmeria, in terms of altitudinal zonation, was on montane level.

It is pretty obvious how such landscape might look like: cold, cloudy, foggy. What's more important is how such harsh living conditions affected the Cimmerian people. Conan hints at this in "Queen of the Black Coast":

"There is no hope here or hereafter in the cult of my people,"

answered Conan. "In this world men struggle and suffer vainly, finding

pleasure only in the bright madness of battle; dying, their souls

enter a gray misty realm of clouds and icy winds, to wander

cheerlessly throughout eternity." - Queen Of The Black Coast, REH.

Conan description of the afterlife is very grim so I suspect that Cimmerian beliefs were a direct result of their environment (living conditions) as REH mentions that the land "made squat shadows out of men"

This feeling of hopelessness was intensified how vast the Cimmeria was "when a man climbed up

A rugged peak and gazed, his shaded eye Saw but the endless vista - hill on hill" so to it's inhabitants this cloudy land was all they knew. It makes sense that they imagined the afterlife to be "pretty much more of same shit".

However what makes me ponder the most are the last paragraphs of the poem where the narrator says: "It was so long ago and far away". Perhaps Conan recalls his homeland as an old ruler of Aquilonia since he also mentions "The axe and flint-tipped spear are like a dream,And hunts and wars are shadows". I would imagine that to the king of the mightiest, most civilized kingdom of the west his first 19 or so years spent in Cimmeria might have been like a dream, or foggy memory. 

I find it strange for Conan to mention "I have forgot the very name men called me". It might be because Conan had different name in Cimmeria, or perhaps because in Aquilonia no one would address him in other way than "king". This might as well be a poetic device.

Lastly is the "This heritage which wraps me in the grey". While it might not come across in the stories very well Conan was "a thief, a reaver, a slayer, with gigantic melancholies and gigantic mirth" (The Nemedian Chronicles , REH). It is very easy to find references in the books of Conan making merry (such is the stereotype of Barbadian - he drinks deep) the melancholies are more subtle, yet present:

Conan shook his lion head. “No, Prospero, he’s beyond my reach. A great poet is greater
than any king. His songs are mightier than my scepter; for he has near ripped the heart
from my breast when he chose to sing for me. I shall die and be forgotten, but Rinaldo’s
songs will live for ever - Poenix on the Sword, REH

“He was a man,” said Conan. “I drink to his shade, and to the shade of the dog, who knew no fear.” He quaffed part of the wine, then emptied the rest upon the floor, with a curious heathen gesture, and smashed the goblet. “The heads of ten Picts shall pay for his, and seven heads for the dog, who was a better warrior than many a man.”
And the forester, staring into the moody, smoldering blue eyes, knew the barbaric oath
would be kept. - Beyond the Black River, REH

Again dawn tinged the ocean. A redder glow lit the river-mouth. Conan of Cimmeria
leaned on his great sword upon the white beach, watching the Tigress swinging out on
her last voyage. There was no light in his eyes that contemplated the glassy swells. Out of
the rolling blue wastes all glory and wonder had gone. A fierce revulsion shook him as he
gazed at the green surges that deepened into purple hazes of mystery. (...)

So passed the Queen of the Black Coast, and leaning on his red-stained sword, Conan
stood silently until the red glow had faded far out in the blue hazes and dawn splashed its
rose and gold over the ocean. - Queen of the Black Coast, REH.
 

 In this post I wanted to share with you my interpretation of this poem and I would gladly hear what are your ideas about the symbolism and referenced that REH put into his piece.

References:

1. http://latinlexicon.org/definition.php?p1=2010188 
2. http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/cimmerian
3. http://www.englishverse.com/poets/milton_john
4. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Altitudinal_zonation

Lore Whore: Dark Horse on the Sword

When it comes to my Conan media consumption up to this point I have been pretty damn old school. I mean I have a quite large collection of books and comics (some from 70'). Tons of paper. But recently I have heard the digital call of the new "Phoenix on the Sword" and have decided to answer it by buying the "paperless" version. 

Old Tarantia that we know and love

The price tag got me really sold on the idea in the first place: 5.99$ for a bundle of 4 comics is a steal. The price difference between digital and paper issue is simply staggering. The second thing is convenience: after few clicks the comic was ready for reading on my PC or mobile device like iPhone. Reading the comic on the computer was pleasurable and I didn't get any weird feeling indicating that I might be missing something that the print version would have provided. But enough of this digital sorcery talk let's get to the point. I like Dark Horse and have always enjoyed their producs. I still have yet to see a single boring Conan issue by DK (have read tons of those from Marvel). The art in DK's Conan is, as always, excellent so I won't even bother to compliment it here.

Toth-Amon as seen in "The Book of Toth"

It's eye candy all the way. Now the story is, of course, REH's original with some very minor twists that are there only because it's needed to translate the book into comic form. For example Toth-Amon explains his slave status by merely touching the Baron and showing it to him via some wizzardly vision. As you might have guessed
3 panels of Toth-Amon merely monologuing about that doesn't make for a great comic. Apart from that I find interesting that the story in "Phoneix" is told to a scribe by an old Conan - now a ruler of Aquilonia for several decades.  As always the writers have used REH's writings in the most clever way. In one of the panels old Conan recites a poem that REH wrote for the first page of the book. The dialogs are lifted straight from the book which is more thatn welcomed. Overall this is a great comic and one that will please any Age of Conan fan. More so this issue has sold me on the idea of digital comics and I will, without doubt, purchase more of them in the near future. Long live The Dark Horse!

Lore Whore: Olgerd Vladislav

They say once a raider, always a raider (what? I raided Toth once, didn't care for it :P). I am talking of course about Olgierd Vladislav, a mysterious man that you can meet on your journey to the Khitai (far far to the east!). As you know there are two ways of going to Khitai and that is paying hefty price for the passage or hiring yourself as a caravan guard. If you have chosen the latter you will have to beat the random encounters. There are many types of those side quests and they were implemented into the game to portrait that you are in fact taking long and dangerous voyage in order to reach the land of Khitai. On one of those encounters the caravan will be attacked by a band of Zuagirs. After defeating the few waves of those ferocious warriors their leader will appear... Olgerd Vladislav himself!!

Who is this Olgerd I am speaking of?

"Conan lifted his bloody head.

"If I could come down from this beam I'd make a dying dog out of you,
you Zaporoskan thief!" he rasped through blackened lips.

"Mitra, the knave knows me!" exclaimed the other. "How, knave, do you
know me?"

"There's only one of your breed in these parts," muttered Conan. "You
are Olgerd Vladislav, the outlaw chief."

"Aye! and once a hetman of the kozaki of the Zaporoskan River, as you
have guessed. Would you like to live?"

"Only a fool would ask that question," panted Conan.

later on Conan joined Olgerd's band as a second in command and fianlly banished him from the camp:

"They took your orders, but they fought for me. There is
not room for two chiefs of the Zuagirs. They know I am the stronger
man. I understand them better than you, and they, me; because I am a
barbarian too."

"And what will they say when you ask them to fight for Khauran?" asked
Olgerd sardonically.

"They'll follow me. I'll promise them a camel-train of gold from the
palace. Khauran will be willing to pay that as a guerdon for getting
rid of Constantius. After that, I'll lead them against the Turanians
as you have planned. They want loot, and they'd as soon fight
Constantius for it as anybody."

In Olgerd's eyes grew a recognition of defeat. In his red dreams of
empire he had missed what was going on about him. Happenings and
events that had seemed meaningless before now flashed into his mind,
with their true significance, bringing a realization that Conan spoke
no idle boast. The giant black-mailed figure before him was the real
chief of the Zuagirs.

"Not if you die!" muttered Olgerd, and his hand flickered toward his
hilt. But quick as the stroke of a great cat, Conan's arm shot across
the table and his fingers locked on Olgerd's forearm. There was a snap
of breaking bones, and for a tense instant the scene held: the men
facing each other as motionless as images, perspiration starting out
on Olgerd's forehead. Conan laughed, never easing his grip on the
broken arm.

"Are you fit to live, Olgerd?"

His smile did not alter as the corded muscles rippled in knotting
ridges along his forearm and his fingers ground into the kozak's
quivering flesh. There was the sound of broken bones grating together
and Olgerd's face turned the color of ashes; blood oozed from his lip
where his teeth sank, but he uttered no sound.

With a laugh Conan released him and drew back, and the kozak swayed,
caught the table edge with his good hand to steady himself.

"I give you life, Olgerd, as you gave it to me," said Conan
tranquilly, "though it was for your own ends that you took me down
from the cross. It was a bitter test you gave me then; you couldn't
have endured it; neither could anyone, but a Western barbarian.

"Take your horse and go. It's tied behind the tent, and food and water
are in the saddlebags. None will see your going, but go quickly.
There's no room for a fallen chief on the desert. If the warriors see
you, maimed and deposed, they'll never let you leave the camp alive."

Olgerd did not reply. Slowly, without a word, he turned and stalked
across the tent, through the flapped opening. Unspeaking he climbed
into the saddle of the great white stallion that stood tethered there
in the shade of a spreading palm tree; and unspeaking, with his broken
arm thrust in the bosom of his khalat, he reined the steed about and
rode eastward into the open desert, out of the life of the people of
the Zuagir"

Title: A Witch Shall Be Born
Author: Robert E. Howard

Poor Olgerd Vladislav wasn't really good at this raiding and pillaging game since you can take him down personally in this encounter. Furthermore you can loot his mask and wear it proudly. Is Olgerd Vladislav truly dead? Well, did you check? He might return, he has a nasty habit for doing so...

Images taken from Conan: The Ultimate Guide to the World's Most Savage Barbarian . I highly recomend getting this book!

Lore Whore: swooning women

There are some aspects of Conan that I roll my eyes at. You see Conan is not only about epic adventures. There are some, shall we say, recurring aspects of Conan and his saga that I simply can't take seriously (as much as I am serious about the rest of low fantasy fiction writings).

Conan always gets the girl but... 

Very few Conan stories doesn't have any womanizing in them (Phonenix on the Sword and Beyond the Black River are good examples). In most cases Conan wtfpwns everyone/big ape and runs away with a swooning gall in his arms. Few examples? Sure!

"Blood thickly clotted his black mane,
and one ear had been half torn from his head. His arms, legs, breast
and shoulders were bitten and clawed as if by panthers. But he grinned
as he braced his powerful legs, and swung on the wheel in sheer
exuberance of muscular might.

"What now?" faltered the girl.

"The plunder of the seas!" he laughed. "A paltry crew, and that chewed
and clawed to pieces, but they can work the ship, and crews can always
be found. Come here, girl, and give me a kiss."

"A kiss?" she cried hysterically. "You think of kisses at a time like
this?"

His laughter boomed above the snap and thunder of the sails, as he
caught her up off her feet in the crook of one mighty arm, and smacked
her red lips with resounding relish."

Title: The Pool Of The Black One
Author: Robert E. Howard

"He turned and lifted Olivia to her feet, from where she had crouched
shielded by the gunwales.

"And what of me, sir?" she asked.

"What would you?" he countered, watching her narrowly.

"To go with you, wherever your path may lie!" she cried, throwing her
white arms about his bronzed neck.

The pirates, clambering over the rail, gasped in amazement.

"To sail a road of blood and slaughter?" he questioned. "This keel
will stain the blue waves crimson wherever it plows."

"Aye, to sail with you on blue seas or red," she answered
passionately. "You are a barbarian, and I am an outcast, denied by my
people. We are both pariahs, wanderers of earth. Oh, take me with
you!"

With a gusty laugh he lifted her to his fierce lips.

"I'll make you Queen of the Blue Sea! Cast off there, dogs! We'll
scorch King Yildiz's pantaloons yet, by Crom!"


Title: Conan - Shadows In The Moonlight
Author: Robert E. Howard


"Well," said Conan, setting the girl on her feet within the sheltering
screen of branches, "we can take our time now. I don't think those
brutes will follow us outside the valley. Anyway, I've got a horse
tied at a water-hole close by, if the lions haven't eaten him. Crom's
devils! What are you crying about now?"

She covered her tear-stained face with her hands, and her slim
shoulders shook with sobs.

"I lost the jewels for you," she wailed miserably. "It was my fault.
If I'd obeyed you and stayed out on the ledge, that brute would never
have seen me. You should have caught the gems and let me drown!"

"Yes, I suppose I should," he agreed. "But forget it. Never worry
about what's past. And stop crying, will you? That's better. Come on."

"You mean you're going to keep me? Take me with you?" she asked
hopefully.

"What else do you suppose I'd do with you?" He ran an approving glance
over her figure and grinned at the torn skirt which revealed a
generous expanse of tempting ivory-tinted curves.  "

Title:Jewels of Gwahlur
Author: Robert E. Howard

I could go on and on about quotes like these. What is my point? Well, what do you think happened to those girls later on? Where are they? How did they part with Conan? It is one thing to get a girl that is 100% into Conan, depended on him and has no were else to go and other thing is dumping such girl. Did they die during one of the adventures? Perhaps Conan simply ran away from them? I cannot help but wonder. I think Funcom writers did awesome job of addressing this by putting Sansha on the Tortage. Sansha is the girl that Conan "won" (yeah, by killing the captain of the pirate ship). In Age of Conan she is the mistress of the bearded clam ...the finest whorehouse on Tortage. Of course we know nothing about how Sansha got on Tortage and started her business, but she speaks warm of Conan so I guess the parting must have been warm.

There is also another aspect of Conan's love life that I find ... intruding. It is Zenobia, the queen of Aquilonia. Conan in "the Hour of the Dragon" intended to make her his queen.

"You have not yet named my ransom."

Conan laughed and slapped his sword home in its scabbard. He flexed his mighty arms, and ran his bloodstained fingers through his thick black locks, as if feeling there his rewon crown.

"There is a girl in your seraglio named Zenobia."

"Why, yes, so there is."

"Very well." The king smiled as at an exceedingly pleasant memory. "She shall be your ransom, and naught else. I will come to Belverus for her as I promised. She was a slave in Nemedia, but I will make her queen of Aquilonia!"

Title: The Hour of the Dragon
Author: Robert E. Howard

But Conan keep a rather large ...shall we say "pleasure palace"?

"He had taken possession of the pleasure-palace, however, and Conan's girls were dragged to his quarters. The people muttered at the sight of the royal beauties writhing in the brutal hands of the iron-clad retainers--dark-eyed damsels of Poitain, slim black-haired wenches from Zamora, Zingara and Hyrkania, Brythunian girls with tousled yellow heads, all weeping with fright and shame, unused to brutality."

"And so, farewell, barbarian," mocked the sorcerer. "I must ride to Shamar, and the siege. In ten days I will be in your palace in Tamar, with my warriors. What word from you shall I say to your women, before I flay their dainty skins for scrolls whereon to chronicle the triumphs of Tsotha-lanti?"

Title: The Scarlet Citadel
Author: Robert E. Howard

What happened to Conan's "royal beauties" when Zenobia arrived to Tarantia? Conan simply disbanded his army of "dark-eyed damsels of Poitain, slim black-haired wenches from Zamora, Zingara and Hyrkania and Brythunian girls" ? I think not.

Zenobia is only mentioned in Age of Conan as she is pregnant with Conan and supposedly hidden. The fact that she is pregnant for four years now brings a quote to my mind: "Okay, first of all, Bonnie, you've been pregnant for like six years, all right. Either have the baby or don't (Petter Griffin, Family Guy). I very much think that after all those years Funcom OWES us the Zenobia. Shall we ever see her in Age of Conan? Time will tell.

Lore Whore - classes and their roots

Since AOC's day one there has been some talk about how the it doesn't make whole lot a sense for certain classes to be associated with certain ethnic groups.
While it is easy to imagine that Dark Templars should have been made a choice for Stygian and not Cimmerians, but I personally have no beef  with the existence of Aquilonian Barbarians. I do despise Cimmerian Rangers.
A Common misconception about Aquilonia is thinking of it as a highly civilized Roman Empire. Aquilonia had it's provinces:

Potain (land of warmth and plenty ), Gunderland (best footmen soldiers in Hyboria) and Bossonia (amazing archers and defenders). Not all of those provinces were up of standards you could get used to living in Old Tarantia.

"That was true; the Bossonian marches, with their fortified villages
filled with determined bowmen, had long served Aquilonia as a buffer
against the outlying barbarians. Now among the settlers beyond Thunder River here was growing up a breed of forest men capable of meeting the barbarians at their own game, but their numbers were still scanty. Most of the frontiersmen were like Balthus--more of the settler than the woodsman type."

REH,  Beyond the Black River


I think Bossonians are the closest thing in Aquilonia to "barbarians". Keep in mind that thanks to D&D influence barbarians are through more as a "class" (like assassin/rogue) than what REH intended.  It totally makes sense for Bossonians ("breed of forest men")to be regarded as "barbarian class". They are not, however, barbarians per se.

As for a bow: Conan was excellent marksman and used the bow often and to a great effect.

"Give me a bow," requested Conan. "It's not my idea of a manly weapon,but I learned archery among the Hyrkanians, and it will go hard if Ican't feather a man or so on yonder deck."

Standing on the poop, he watched the serpentlike ship skimming
lightly over the waters, and landsman though he was, it was evident to him that the Argus would never win that race. Already arrows, arching from the pirate's deck, were falling with a hiss into the sea, not twenty paces astern".

REH, Queen Of The Black Coast

It is weird that Conan had to learn the bow from Hyrkanians. If Cimmerians used the bow Conan would have known it. There might be a chance that "archery" is a different art than merely "hunting with bow", but I don't know anything on that subject.
Wikipedia suggests that the usage of bows was not as wide spread as one might think. It is very much likely that the Cimmerians hunted with spears alone.

There is a little hint about that in "the Cimmeria" poem by REH:

"It was so long ago and far away

I have forgot the very name men called me.

The axe and flint-tipped spear are like a dream,

And hunts and wars are shadows."

So next time you meet Cimmerian Ranger that is into RP do ask him where did his character learn archery. It sure as hell wasn't in Cimmeria.

Lore Whore: REH's Conan > all

 Today I want to talk a bit about my love for the all things REH. I find that there are very few AOC players that in fact know things or two about Conan. Sadly most are as clueless as general population with their preconceived notions of skin clad, brainless barbarian brawler that drinks, fights and womanizes. While that is 

true to some extend, I cannot help to notice that this image of Conan is mainly a blend of 70' Marvel comics and 80' Arnold Schwarzenegger movies. Those have one other thing in common: both were bad.

I think I can safely say I am REH purist or....Conan nerd. I love all things that are REH cannon and despise anything that was not penned by Mr.Howard himself. There are some exceptions: Dark Horse Conan and perhaps Savage Sword of Conan comics. I like those because, rather than re-invent the wheel, those build upon the foundations that REH has set. Same is true about Age of Conan: I can say many bad things about Funcom, but when it comes to the creative and respectful use of the lore they are amazing. One of my main grudges against non-REH is the above mentioned lack of respect for both the lore and the reader. Conan pastiche authors simply DO NOT research the world nor the Conan character  and therefor are making them inconsistent with REH's vision. I bet you would like an example? Here you are:

J.M.Roberts writes: "for Cimmeria was a treeless land...". This kind of thing makes my inner nerd, rage SCREAM and throw the book against the wall.

*deep breath* Ok Mr. Roberts, I would like you to take a look at a poem by REH called..."Cimmeria".  To make it easier on you, since you obviously don't like reading that much, I will just point your attention to the parts of poem that should have been of an intrest to you:

"I remember

The dark woods, masking slopes of sombre hills;
(...)
Slope beyond slope, each dark with sullen trees,
(...)
And the dark woodlands brooding over all,
(...)
The dimness of the everlasting woods.

 (...)

--Cimmeria, REH

Same goes for other authors like De Camp who also has written some dumb shit (like Conan learning magic *face palm*).

So I am mostly re-reading pure, unedited REH stories and honestly I am enjoying them each time. More So I am finding those little details that REH is giving out about the Hyboria which make me smile. Example: there are several references to legal system in Hyboria. Apparently Aquilonia had some kind of supreme court that defendants could appeal to, which implies a very advanced legal culture. See? It's not all about splitting skulls and grabing some gal's ass.

I would like to very much encourage you to check out REH's Conan or, at a very least, to check out Dark Horse comics featuring Conan.There are over 75 non-REH Conan books written, but I simply cannot stomach those for I am of an option that only Howard did justice to Conan character. I cannot help but wonder what other, breath taking stories would REH had written if it wasn't for him taking his own life. And perhaps, just perhaps, I will one day visit REH's museum?

Map of Hyboria on the wall.

My comic collection. Mostly Dark Horse and Savage Sword, but also some classic Marvel

Books. Original REH and some Polish translations with Frazetta covers

Lore Whore: assassins, thieves and lotus

Ever since I have started playing Age of Conan I have been looking for any mention of assassins per se in REH's Conan stories. First of all: this class is not lifted from the book. In reality assassin class was glued together from two other failed classes: the lotusist and the corruptor. This is why assassin class have lotus tree and the bullshit shard system. If Funcom wanted to do this right(TM) the proper name for this class should have been "Thief".Plenty of thievery was going on in Hyboria. Hell, ever heard of Shadizar, city of thieves? Nevertheless the thieves described in REH books are quick to draw blood and their equipment would have suit assassin's well.

"Straining his eyes in the gloom, he saw a hint of motion through the
shrubs near the wall. Thither he glided, gripping his sword. He made
no more noise than a panther stealing through the night, yet the man
he was stalking heard. The Cimmerian had a dim glimpse of a huge bulk
close to the wall felt relief that it was at least human; then the
fellow wheeled quickly with a gasp that sounded like panic, made the
first motion of a forward plunge, hands clutching, then recoiled as
the Cimmerian's blade caught the starlight. For a tense instant
neither spoke, standing ready for anything.
'You are no soldier,' hissed the stranger at last. 'You are a thief
like myself.'
'And who are you?' asked the Cimmerian in a suspicious whisper.
'Taurus of Nemedia.' The Cimmerian lowered his sword. 'I've heard of
you. Men call you a prince of thieves.' A low laugh answered him".

- REH, The Tower of the Elephant
Tauru's appearance might now have implied prowess at anything else than dining, but his methods were as close to the assassination as one can get:

 "He knew that this man must be the guard he had heard pass his hiding-place by the
wall. Only a short time had passed, yet in that interval nameless
hands had reached out of the dark and choked out the soldier's life".

- REH, The Tower of the Elephant

When it comes to the equipment Taurus was also, as AOC's assassins do, relaying on usage of lotus:

"Then Taurus brought the
mouth of the tube to his lips and blew powerfully. A long jet of
yellowish powder shot from the other end of the tube and billowed out
instantly in a thick green-yellow cloud that settled over the
shrubbery, blotting out the glaring eyes.
Taurus ran back hastily to the wall. Conan glared without
understanding. The thick cloud hid the shrubbery, and from it no sound
came.
'What is that mist?' the Cimmerian asked uneasily.
'Death!' hissed the Nemedian. 'If a wind springs up and blows it back
upon us, we must flee over the wall. But no, the wind is still, and
now it is dissipating. Wait until it vanishes entirely. To breathe it
is death.'(...)
'They died without a sound!' muttered the Cimmerian. 'Taurus, what was
that powder?'
'It was made from the black lotus, whose blossoms wave in the lost
jungles of Khitai, where only the yellow-skulled priests of Yun dwell.
Those blossoms strike dead any who smell of them.'

- REH, The Tower of the Elephant

 Another interesting fellow shows up in a less known story: Black Colossus.

"Shevatas was wiry and lithe, as became a master-thief of Zamora. His
small round head was shaven, his only garment a loincloth of scarlet
silk. Like all his race, he was very dark, his narrow vulturelike
face set off by his keen black eyes. His long, slender and tapering
fingers were quick and nervous as the wings of a moth. (...)
This was Shevatas, a thief among thieves, whose name was spoken with
awe in the dives of the Maul and the dim shadowy recesses beneath the
temples of Bel, and who lived in songs and myths for a thousand years".

- REH, Black Colossus.

Throughout the REH's Conan the author several times have mentioned that Zamorians
are THE THIEVES, so the fact that Taurus has made name for himself should be a feat
on it's own. Shevatas, although we know very little about him, also has proven to be a very capable fighter:

"Shevatas advanced warily on the balls of his feet, knees bent
slightly, ready to spring either way like a flash of light. And he
needed all his co-ordinate speed when the snake arched its neck and
struck, shooting out its full length like a stroke of lightning. For
all his quickness of nerve and eye, Shevatas had died then but for
chance. His well-laid plans of leaping aside and striking down on the
outstretched neck were put at naught by the blinding speed of the
reptile's attack. The thief had but time to extend the sword in front
of him, involuntarily closing his eyes and crying out. Then the sword
was wrenched from his hand and the corridor was filled with a horrible
thrashing and lashing.
Opening his eyes, amazed to find himself still alive, Shevatas saw the
monster heaving and twisting its slimy form in fantastic contortions,
the sword transfixing its giant jaws".

- REH, Black Colossus.

But when it comes to the real deal one story in particular is dedicated solely to the assassination: Rogues in the House. The assassin? Conan himself.

"Would you like to live?" asked Murilo. The barbarian grunted, new
interest glinting in his eyes.
"If I arrange for your escape, will you do a favor for me?" the
aristocrat asked.
The Cimmerian did not speak, but the intentness of his gaze answered
for him.
"I want you to kill a man for me." (...)
Murilo believed the Cimmerian would keep faith with him. Whether the
man would be able to carry out his purpose remained to be seen. Men
had attempted to assassinate the Red Priest before, and they had died
in hideous and nameless ways. But they had been products of the cities
of men, lacking the wolfish instincts of the barbarian".

- REH, Rogues in the House

As a bonus I want to point your attention to the stories that inspired Funcom's
writers to create some of the assassin's feats.

Curse of the lotus - back in patch 1.3 (so 2008) this feat was charming people in pvp
and made them attack each other.

"The fall of the panels released the clouds of doom," said the Red
Priest with a wild laugh. "The dust of the gray lotus, from the Swamps
of the Dead, beyond the land of Khitai."
In the middle of the ceiling hung a cluster of gold buds; these had
opened like the petals of a great carven rose, and from them billowed
a gray mist that swiftly filled the chamber. Instantly the scene
changed from one of hysteria to one of madness and horror. The trapped
men began to stagger; they ran in drunken circles. Froth dripped from
their lips, which twisted as in awful laughter. Raging, they fell upon
one another with daggers and teeth, slashing, tearing, slaying in a
holocaust of madness. Murilo turned sick as he watched and was glad
that he could not hear the screams and howls with which that doomed
chamber must be ringing. Like pictures thrown on a screen, it was
silent".

- REH, Rogues in the House

The golden lotus extract - back in pre patch 1.6 assassins had the golden lotus extract.
This feat was granting assassins an ability to heal themself. Right now you can buy golden lotus pet from Priests of Yun that does same stuff.

"I could," he assured her, in evident enjoyment of her distress. He
drew a phial from among his robes. "This contains the juice of the
golden lotus. If your lover drank it, he would be sane again. Yes, I
will be merciful. You have both thwarted and flouted me, not once but
many times; he has constantly opposed my wishes. But I will be
merciful. Come and take the phial from my hand."

- REH, Shadows in Zamboula

So golden lotus heals insanity, but I also strongly believe that it was used in certain wine:

"They are a fast-fading
race, drowned in lotus dreams, stimulating their waking hours by means
of the golden wine which heals wounds, prolongs life, and invigorates
the most sated debauchee".

- REH, The Slithering Shadow

These people were already cultivating black lotus so it would have made sense for them
to also grow golden lotus. Since in "Shadows of Zamboula" golden lotus has been mentioned as a cure I think it is not far fetched to believe that "golden wine" was in fact "the golden lotus wine" .

Lore Whore: magical mounts

Many people love Hyborian world for it's low fantasy settings. Some think that allowing players to ride tiger or wolf is "tad too much". What is next? Warlock mount World of Warcrat style?

Such creature has no place in Hyboria!

 Oh rly? In this post I want to show you that REH had some wicked ideas and "flying mounts" might just not be as "out of context" in Age of Conan as one might think.

Magical Horses 

"But Conan saw, looking over their shoulders, and a queer chill sensation crawled along his spine.There was something vaguely unnatural about the apperance of black horses (...) Behind the rumbling chariot the dull roar of battle and pursuit faded in the distance (...) and the chariot moved into the vast blue shadows floating up out of the east. A babble of excited voices rose, drowned by the next instant by the whirling wheels of the chariot on the flags. Sparks flashed froom under the revolving rims as Xaltotun lashed his steeds through the arch. But Conan heard one of the guardsmen mutter: "From beyond the border to Belverus between sunset and dawn! And the horses scarcely sweating! By Mitra, they-," 

- REH, The Hour of The Dragon.  

First is the magic chariot of Xaltotun. It is not very clear wheather the chariot could indeed fly (I think it is implied), but nevertheless the horses could apparently travel amazing distance very fast.

Chariot could actualy be very interesting addition to Age of Conan. Minus the flying of couse.

Magical Camel

"On a black camel he came, riding like the wind, and an unholy fire played about him, the cloven tracks of the camel glowed in the darkness. When Natohk dismounted before Set's shrine by the oasis of Aphaka, the best swept into the night and vanished. And I have talked to the tribesmen who swore that it suddenly spread gigantic wings and rushed upwards into the clouds, leaving a trail of fire behind it".

- REH, Black Colossus

Glowing, flying, leaving a trail of fire? I don't think a mount can be more "pimp". Sure, this unholy camel is only described by tribesmen, but considering other feats of magic displayed by Natohk, sumoning glowing camels wasn't the peak of his mystical powers.

Magic Carpet

"just visible on the distant peak there hung a cloud of peculiar aspect. It was a frosty crimson in color, veined with sparkling gold. This cloud was in motion; it rotated, and as it whirled it contracted. It dwindled to a spinning taper that flashed in the sun. And suddenly it detached itself from the snow-tipped peak, floated out over the void like a gay-hued feather, and became invisible against the cerulean sky. "What could that have been?" asked the girl uneasily, as a shoulder of rock shut the distant mountain from view; the phenomenon had been disturbing, even in its beauty. "The hillmen call it Yimsha's Carpet, whatever that means," answered Conan. "I've seen five hundred of them running as if the devil were at their heels, to hide themselves in caves and crags, because they saw that crimson cloud float up from the peak".

- REH, People of the Black Circle

This is the flying carpet. No, really, Khemsa traveled this way and he wasn't even big shot in the Black Circle.Can you travel more in style than on a cloud of peculiar aspect? I doubt it.

Can you find similiar stuff in Age of Conan? Yes. If your guild reaches renown level 20 you will get a chance to get "Tarpani Stalion". In order to get this mount you have to do pretty nice chain of quests and in the end pay 200 hard ones (aka gold pices). The horse is in fact "undead" and the reasons for it's sorry state are explained in the quest chain. The mount looks dead, probably smells like death too, but that is IT when it comes to magical properties. That hardly measures up to the above mentioned mounts.

Edit: I have been reading Conan: The Songs of the Dead yesterday (digital, iphone version! Oh the times we live in..) spoted the flying camel mount. Enjoy!

Flying camel mount: made by fusing vulture with camel with a touch of unholy magic

When barbarian becomes a king

I love re-reading Conan stories by REH. I find myself noticing those little informations about Hyboria that I have missed the first time and more so references to the real, historical events that most likely inspired Mr. Howard. Mind you Howard claimed that the Conan simply "materialized" in his mind as if Howard was indeed experiencing glimpses of the prehistoric past. This is, of course, not true considering how many elements of Hyboria are lifted from our history...but then again history likes to repeat itself, doesn't it? And the Conan stories do feel like REH was merely writing down tales told to him in random order, by a seasoned adventurer (this is what author claimed). Going back to the topic: so how did Conan become the king?


I am pretty sure that he had to be a high ranked commander in Aquilonian army to gain popularity

When I led her armies to victory as a mercenary, Aquilonia overlooked the fact that I was a foreigner, but now she can not forgive me.

- Phoenix on the sword

During his carrier Conan served in many armies often gaining rank of general so at his later age he was not only an able fighter, but also a competent commander:

    He was a professional fighting-man. In search of
    employment (he said) he had come to Keshan. For a price he would train
    the armies of Keshan and lead them against Punt, their hereditary
    enemy, whose recent successes in the field had aroused the fury of
    Keshan's irascible king.

    The proposition was not so audacious as it might seem. Conan's fame
    had preceded him, even into distant Keshan;

- Jewels of Gwahlur

For me it is pretty obvious that Conan has stormed the Old Tarantia with Aquilonian forces that were loyal to him. He was, after all, a very popular commander because even as a King he fought in the first lines along with his troops. It is pretty obvious that one cannot choke to death the king of the mightiest kingdom of the west if he is not backed up by thousands of swords. But there is another interesting thing that Conan mentions:

    Looking back now over the wild path I followed, all those days of toil, intrigue,

    slaughter and tribulation seem like a dream.

- Phoenix on the sword

People often think that Conan was this straightforward and brutally honest barbarian, incapable of cooking up any scheme or intrigue . That might have been true for the young Conan.

    The Cimmerian glared about, embarrassed at the roar of mocking laughter that greeted this remark. He saw no particular humor in it, and was too new to civilization to understand its discourtesies

- Tower of the Elephant

But in fact in his  mercenary days Conan was proficient enough to understand and exploit politics, faction's struggle and was already reaching for the power:

You will like Tombalku ! It was made for men like us to loot! There are half a dozen powerful factions plotting and intriguing against each other - there are continual brawls in the taverns and streets, secret murders, mutilations and executions. (...) I am high in favor and power!

- Drums of Tombalku

Going back to the comic that really inspired this post I find it very naive to present Conan as savior of Aquilonia, a man that "saw, came and conquered" because poor Aquilonians were oppressed by a mad man. He did it simply because he could and wanted to. His ambition was to carve out an empire of his own which he attempted for the first time, I believe in "The Vale of Lost Women" when he was war chief of Bamulas.

When King Numedides lay dead at my feet and I tore the crown from his gory head and set it on my own, I had reached the ultimate border of my dreams.

- Phoenix on the sword

Here is where the comics books idolize Conan as this romantic hero that slew Numedies pretty much in self defence (when Conan's back was turned Numedies rushed him with a dagger). Conan killed him because that is what you do when you are taking throne by force. He mentions this in "Scarlet Citadel"

I climbed out of the abyss of naked
barbarism to the throne and in that climb I spilt my blood as freely
as I spilt that of others

- The Scarlet Citadel

I am strongly suspecting that Conan was serving in Aquilonian army with a sole intent of one day reaching for the throne. This is something that he did before - numerous times. In "A Witch Shall Be Born" he joined Olgerd Vladislav and his Kozaki forces only to later become the chief, break Olgerd's  arm and banish him to the desert. In "The Pool of the Black one" Conan climbs aboard of the Wastrel, a ship under the command of Zaporavo with an intend to kill the Captain Zaporavo and take over the crew.

"A ship can always use another good sailor," answered the other
without resentment. Zaporavo scowled, knowing the truth of that
assertion. He hesitated, and doing so, lost his ship, his command,
his girl, and his life. But of course he could not see into the
future, and to him Conan was only another wastrel,

- The Pool of the Black One

Now about Numedides himself: he very much resembles Nero of ancient Rome.

"Now in Mitra's temple there come to burn incense to Numedides' memory, men
whom his hangmen maimed and blinded, men whose sons died in his dungeons, whose
wives and daughters were dragged into his seraglio. The fickle fools!"

He idealizes the king whom Conan killed to get the crown,
remembering only that he occasionally patronized the arts, and forgetting the
evils of his reign,

- Phoenix on the sword

Nero's rule is often associated with tyranny and extravagance. He is known for many executions, including those of his mother and the probable murder by poison of his stepbrother, Britannicus. Nero enjoyed driving a one-horse chariot, singing to the lyre, and poetry

- Nero, From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Recently I have also found some other reference to ancient Rome which might be a bit far fetched, but REH mixed and matched so many events of history and civilizations  that you can never be sure:

State persecution of Christians ceased in the 4th century, when Constantine I  issued an edict of toleration in 313. On 27 February 380,

- Christianity From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

"Why should you risk your lives for me?" asked the king.

"You were our friend when you sat upon your throne," answered Hadrathus. "You protected us when the priests of Mitra sought to scourge us out of the land."

- The Hour of the Dragon

So Conan protected the followers of Asura from persecution. The temples of Asura were hidden in Old Tarantia just as Christians in the Rome had their secret gathering places. Both of those religions were considered a cult at some point.

Lore whore: the begining

art by Frank Frazetta

Not the best title of the post, but it will have to do. With the recent...shall we say..stagnation of Age of Conan I feel the need to change the focus of this blog just a little bit, otherwise you will get nothing, but constant stream of rants about how bad the things are. Sure I will be doing guides and regular stuff (I have few posts lined up like the lotus dart and penetration guide), but I want to explore a little bit the lore section of Hideout. I am big lore fan (or "whore" is you must) . I won't be covering any "basic", well known stuff, but rather give you my thoughts about all the things that are not obvious when you are reading the books for the first time. For example: assassins in the lore. Yep, if you read the books really carefully you will find some references about those men of the most noble of professions. There is just so much to talk about. Looking at the blog's stats I was really surprised that the all time most popular post on the Assassin's Hideout is.... Janosik = Conan. I doubt that Janosik is a popular Internet meme so I guess people are looking for more in depth information about Hyboria. Anyway I am preparing my first post about how Conan became the king of Aquilonia which will give you a taste of things to come. Would you be interested in more lore related posts? Let me know in the comments.

Conan the Barbarian - spoiler free movie review

As hardcore fan of all things Conan I have went to see new movie on the opening night. Went in the movie theater with a cautious optimism and went out with mixed feelings. Wait, wait, just to be sure before we get any further THE MOVIE DID NOT SUCK. There, now you can read further without worrying that I will shit all over the CTB and ruining it for you.

The world

The feel of Hyboria was captured perfectly. There are many references to actual places like Hyrkania and the architecture (particularly that of Acheron) is amazing. The visuals when it comes to weapons and armors are also nailed down to what should be expected. Apart from Cimmerians raiding horses (good luck with breeding horses in the mountains ;p) there were no major mess ups. The cimmerians could be a tad more hardcore, but overall the movie did justice to them. Everything was very dirty, gritty and rugged which I liked: if a character was cut (like Tamara) the scar will stay in the next shot, and if the characters are fighting on the dirt they will get dirty. That is just how things should be.

The gore

I was very afraid that the movie producers will go with that PG-13 crap and turn savage world of Conan into chick-flick. Not so. This is the most bloody and brutal movie I have seen without the director taking it to the absurd level of "The Saw" or "Tarantino" movies. Just right amount of savagery and blood splatter.

The script

By Crom, here we go. Time to take the first dump on the CTB. It is like the writers could not make the decision: should we go full nerd-core on this or go back to 1980 style where the only thing the movie has in common with the books is Conan. The end result is this half-baked story where it is "kinda Conan" story, but with references to actual stuff from the books (Artus, for example, talks how Conan killed Yara and stole the elephant hart gem). It very much feels like the writers wanted to throw a bone to hardcore fans, but at the same time make Conan easier to digest for casual movie watchers. This is unacceptable. The story of itself is cheesy Acheron magic power-flick (give the fucking Acheron a rest already, its has been gone for 3000 years at the time of Conan :X) and once again Conan is driven by the vengeance. I loved the books because Conan was just roaming the lands of Hyboria searching for riches and good fights, not because he had father-issues to deal with. Bah! It was a weak script, WEAK I tell you! And the scene when the Conan was born on the battlefield... it was so much rushed that it felt more like an abortion and not a birth. If you want to do a scene that portraits an event that supposedly defines the character don't rush things. Let's get over with this...

Fighting and magic

Both done very well. The sword fights are very artful and brutal and the magic that is shown in the movie fits what is portrayed in the books: mix of demonology, necromancery and mesmerism. Really, not much to say here other that well done.

The characters

No one annoyed me with their acting which is good. Did I say no one? Well apart from Zym's daughter when see was a kid. For some reasons the writers went with this goth-emo-chick and she very much felt out of place both with her acting and wardrobe. Geez, why not put some tattoos on her too along with a stripe of green and pink hair? I really liked Artus, he was a cool guy. Ela-Shan was obviously a character lifted straight from Conan the Destroyer for he resembles Malak in every way.

Conan

Ah crap, this will be hard. The acting on Conan was decent apart from Momoa trying to get that deep, low voice that Batman fails so miserably at. Its cheesy acting and it doesn't make the character feel tough at all. Geez, go see a throat doctor or something. Second thing and kinda important: Momoa was not in shape for this movie. There, I have said it. Being actively involved with bodybuilding for several years myself I know how hard it is to pack on meat on your bones. This is why I really appreciate actors like Stephen Lang who really busted his guts to look respectable for the role of Colonel Miles Quaritch (and Zym in CTB, can you believe that?). Just doing some weight lifting and eating some chicken with peanut butter (supposedly Momoa's pre movie diet) ain't gonna cut it when you are preparing to play the role of Conan, a character very much defined by his body and sword arm. I am not saying that Conan must be looking like 7 times Mr Olympia Arnold Schwarzenegger, but the looks of Momoa is pulling in Conan could do for shows like Xeena or other bull crap.I am calling for a happy medium. If you can't get a good bulk going then at least go for shredded, ripped appearance. Momoa has neither the mass nor the conditioning in the CTB.  Why is this important? Well Conan is getting is ass kicked by almost everyone in the movie. Every major thug out weights him and throws around like a rag doll. In the books Conan had his speed and agility (to which Momoa did justice), but lets not forget that he had broken the neck of Cimmerian bull before he was 15teen. Also Conan strangled Baal-pteor (a man of amazing strength) and pretty much tanked Thak, a bone-crushing gorilla. In the the books at worst Conan strength is matched, but usually he just bitch slaps his opponents into submission. The movie lacked the feel of that raw strength which was replaced with "agile swordsman". If you are going to be playing Conan then please try harder, almost every actor in "300" would have done a better job with their conditioning for the movie. So Momoa could have done a lot better but he didn't and I don't think it was intentional.

The music

It was just there, in the background. Sadly no memorable tune. In that regards 1980 Conan is till a masterpiece.

The verdict

I don't think I would want to see this movie again any time soon, but over all it did not disappoint. It has it's strength and weaknesses, but the core (the world and the fights) is there. I wouldn't cry is Momoa was not hired for the second movie, but if he pulls his act together he can stay because for most part he did a good enough job. Hell, compared to Arndol he did a great job. I would say go see this movie, if anything it will make your appreciate Funcom writers even more. Those guys are worshiping Robert E.Howard and turning out gold when it comes to lore. Hey Lions Gate Movies, go hire some good folks at Funcom to get you the next script and have your current writers serve them coffee or something.